A Life Update

            The last time I used this blog was for my technical editing course in 2019. Needless to say, so much has changed since then. This post is essentially meant to help me start blogging and writing again, in addition to serving as a personal reflection for me to see where I’ve been and where I intend to go from here.

            In one of my last posts, I expressed my desire to switch from pursuing a career related to writing/editing to one in communicative disorders. I felt I would have better job prospects and opportunities than a career my English degree could give me. I missed taking courses related to COMD. I felt intimidated by searching for an internship or job related to writing and editing. I also felt intimated by the English courses I would enroll in for the upcoming semesters. Pursuing my COMD degree again seemed to be a smart decision at the time.

            A few months later, I was reminded again why I did not want to pursue a career within the COMD field. This field is not for me. While I find various aspects of it interesting, and gained a new respect for the professionals in this field, I do not have the passion or desire for this work. There are not many well-paying jobs in this field without a graduate degree in SLP or audiology. So I found myself panicking yet again over what I could do as my career. And then I discovered physical therapist assistants.

            In high school, I took anatomy & physiology for the first time and instantly became fascinated. I had an excellent teacher who inspired me and instilled a love for anatomy within me. Due to the various math and general sciences courses required of a pre-PT program, I decided not to pursue it at NIU because I was afraid I would not pass those classes. In some ways, a part of me always regretted dropping the pre-PT major. The more I looked into PTA, the more I felt an interest and a connection to this career option: many of the qualities required of PTAs fit me, the job prospects seemed promising, the program was only two years long, the duties of PTAs sounded like tasks/responsibilities I wanted to do, etc. I seemed like I had possibly found my “dream job” or the closest career to it.

            A (very) long story short: I decided to go for PTA. Between October 2019 to January 2021 I underwent tackling all the application requirements that my intended program required. These included: taking courses, completing observation hours, requesting letters of recommendation, taking a placement test, collecting college transcripts, etc. At times, this process was extremely stressful, probably even more so due to changing COVID guidelines and policies. However, I persevered and remained determined to make my application the strongest and most impressive it could be.

            At times I felt anxious and unhappy about this career choice. I blamed those feelings on COVID, stress, online classes, the application, my complicated relationship with food/eating, etc. I think in the back of my mind, some part of me knew these feelings were caused by possibly not wanting to become a PTA, but I didn’t let myself accept/acknowledge/consider that to be the reason. It was not until last month when I submitted my application and the time came for me to start applying to jobs as a rehab aide/PT tech that I truly realized PTA might not be the right path for me.

I could not bring myself to actively search for or apply for those positions. Every time I read over the responsibilities/duties that would be required of me, a feeling of dread would overtake me. I came to realize that I just didn’t want to go to a clinic every day and do those jobs. I began to think about all the feelings I had regarding PTA over the past few months. I didn’t really enjoy my anatomy class as much as I hoped I would. Part of that may have been due to taking the class online, but I never felt a desire to study or learn more about the class topics. I thought my feelings would change once we studied the bones and muscles, but even then I felt disinterested. During my observation hours over the fall, I often felt somewhat bored or detached from the sessions, just wanting to leave. I tried hard to imagine myself actually performing the tasks of a PTA or a PT. I realized that if I didn’t even want to work as PT tech/aide and start working in this field, then how could I be happy working as a PTA? The thought of attending school for two more years didn’t thrill me either; I’ve always really enjoyed school and learning. However, I couldn’t see myself going through such a rigorous program, studying, going to the college for class, or eventually preparing for the licensure exam. I’m sure I could handle everything and perform well, but the feelings I have when I think about doing all those things is not a good, “excited” type of anxiety or nerves. Those feelings aren’t positive; they only cause me to retreat from any thought about the program or my career as a PTA.

Recently, I decided even though I was feeling uneasy about getting a job in a PT clinic, I would still review/edit my resume so I could start applying. I created a resume based around my COMD/PT experiences, and decided to make a resume that catered to my accomplishments/skills as an English major to have as a backup in the future (if I graduated from the PTA program but couldn’t find a job). While making my “English” resume, I realized where many of my strengths, passions, and skills have always been, and what truly makes me happy.

Ever since I was in elementary school, reading, writing, language, and literature have all been areas that I feel I succeed in. These subjects have always come sort of “naturally” to me. I often struggle to give myself credit and act overcritical about what I do, but when I read over my “English” resume, I feel proud of myself and can admit that I succeed in these subjects. This resume shows on paper that during my time at NIU, I have excelled due to my English major. All the relevant skills, courses, awards, etc. that I believe made me become a better student are all results of being an English major and working in the university writing center. I think editing this resume was the final step that brought me to admit that a career in editing, publishing, or writing is what I am meant to do.

After a week of not saying anything to my parents, and just letting all of these emotions fester within me, I finally sat down with them and talked over essentially everything I wrote about in this post. They were amazingly supportive, understanding and encouraging. They usually are, but I talked about changing my major/career so many times that I felt that this time I would really upset them and frustrate them. Now I feel somewhat stupid in even thinking that was a possibility. They told me to let the PTA program/application lie low, and if I am offered an interview in a few months I could either accept or turn it down when the time comes. By then, I would know which route I want to take. My parents also said that I tend to do what I think I should do, or what is practical, instead of what I actually want to do. And for the first time, I may actually be doing what I have always wanted to do…

So what’s next for me now? Over the next few months I will prepare myself for a career in the fields of writing, editing, and publishing. This preparation will involve research, learning, professionalism, and creativity. I have a lot of ideas, so I will explore/complete them one by one. One goal I do have is to make a blog post once a week. I will start using Blogger again, but eventually I would like to use a website that is more public and would allow me to connect with others.

It feels refreshing to be writing again. I am excited to come back each week and express myself through my writing. Hopefully I will refine and develop my individual writing style and voice with each blog post. I feel a new sense of motivation and curiosity, which I believe will guide me as I move forward.